Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize