so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
