I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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