Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
