Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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