Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at about main and main street
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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