just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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