I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
