dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
