The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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