I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
