The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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