I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
