I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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