so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
they need to just BURY HIM!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
