Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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