Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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