I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
