Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
