They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
