You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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