nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
