ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
