Christians are straight up FREAKS
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
