finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize