i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
