Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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