Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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