I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
