Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
