we're chasing vodka with high fives
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just cropdusted the office
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
