What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
