Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
