u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
