i think my tv is drunk
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
