just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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