Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
