Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
