32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
