Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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