I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
