Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
