I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
