yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
