Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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