I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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