We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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