He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize