And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
pray to the hookup gods
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
