Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
