I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She announced her abortion via fbk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
