he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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