How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
