Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
