"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the condom got lost in my hair
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
