I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
