just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
