I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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