Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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