Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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