She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
