He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
