Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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