I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
