Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
