dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
