This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
