and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
