Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
