Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
