My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
no you cant smoke seaweed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
