...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
