The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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