apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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