i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
