so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
