He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
