So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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