i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
