Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
