Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
vagina is talking i cant
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
