I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
