I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
