ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
