he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
