Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
